Source: Wikipedia
“I covered the walls of my family’s house with my drawing and my parents did not know, nor did they care about creativity. It was in the middle of the depression that was the last thing on anybody’s agenda.
But what they did know is they did understand desperation on the face of their child, and so they let me do that, and what is the great lesson that they both taught me was that love and patience can conquer almost anything, almost anything. And I think I certainly tested both of those qualities in them, because I was both hyperactive and slow at the same time, but slowly, I sort of found a way to limp through school…”
– Hollywood screenwriter and filmmaker Robert Benton
Bedtime stories are a great ritual to have with your kids (or if reading by eye is too much work for you, listening to audiobooks together), but there are so many other family rituals besides that that can provide that safe havens or buffers against the world.
I recently did an in-depth look at 3x Academy Award winner Robert Benton, who was severely dyslexic. He chalked up several family rituals that helped him get through the early years of his life.
Robert’s dad had a ritual with him that involved going to the movies. Apparently his dad never spoke much (was he also dyslexic?) and instead of asking about his school day or homework, he’d just ask Robert if he wanted to go the movies. Robert chose movies every time.
Robert would later admit that he learned how to tell stories by watching movies, and not by books. Another famous filmmaker, Martin Scorsese also said that going to movies after school was his favorite thing growing up.
Family rituals come in many shapes and sizes – some families play sports together, go camping or other outdoor sports, or make art, build, or make music together, while other families people do community service or get involved with scouts.
On a practical level, having family rituals can promote identity, emotional health, and lower levels of stress, but its also a great time for your kids to really discover their strengths.
There can be a little bit of a Cinderella experience of being dyslexic at school. At one point you could be princess for the day, dancing at the ball, then suddenly your carriage turns into a pumpkin and your horses into rats, and you’re back at your desk with a pencil and blank piece of paper.
But the point is don’t make a child’s life only about the time in the classroom.
Because chances are, that’s not what they’re going to be doing when they grow up.
Family rituals can provide an opportunity for leadership and being a good team player, all things that get embedded in their character once they form their own households and begin their own careers.
If your extended family is separated by distances, then developing a family ritual where you get together, virtually or in person, is a nice idea.
There is a power and resiliency that can come from strong family ties; family rituals can become a positive internal resource that extend across generations.
“I’m dyslexic, I can’t spell, I can’t punctuate…in my family, we have a very suspect gene pool in choosing exactly the wrong thing to do…” – Robert Benton
(n.b. FE: I’m not sure about all of the family members that Robert was referring to but, his father was an employee for a telephone company who loved the movies, and Robert was a “bad writer” who became very successful as a Hollywood writer.)
